If Only

A chill blows across from the coast and
leaves begin to dance in jeweled shades of crimson and gold.

I walk along the avenue, wind in my face
and forget to remember my way.

Trying not to think of you.

My gloved fingers are unsure of their place, remembering only the days when they were safely intertwined with yours.

Crawling into bed, I don't recall it being so big
and under the flannel sheets I feel so slight.

I miss you a bit more.

I lie wishing not to dream of you and the family I'd always hoped we'd be. Wondering why it just didn't go right - if only you'd have stayed with me.

It's here I remain. Still. Alone. In the darkness.

Now is when I miss you the most.