Saturday 27 December 2008
I'm Sorry Dr. Schmidt
For a few years I worked as a tech at an emergency vet clinic. I didn't always think so at the time but it was a wonderful experience that I look back on now with the most fond memories. But that's not what this post is about.
We had 2 regular doctors and the remainder of the shifts were filled by a rotation of regular vets in the community - a group of them had formed a board to open the clinic. The shifts were long for the doctors, 6pm-8am. They were allowed to sleep so most of the time and I guess it was not so bad, just a night away from home on a crappy bed.
One of the founding board members was a tall, girthy, shabby gentleman named Peter Schmidt. He and his brother Joe ran one of the priciest - and best? - clinics in the town. There was a air about them that many people found pretentious or just plain snobby. While Joe seemed like a grown up and settled down tree hugger, Peter looked more like a middle aged Chris Farley -if Chris Farley were a bookish nerd with dark hair, an uncombed beard, glasses, and a lab coat.
Dr. Schmidt would arrive for his shift carrying a stack of no fewer than 5 books, each hardback and with no fewer than 500 pages. He carried the stack at a specific angle - ensuring the books could be held steady by his chin, while still accounting for the outward curvature of his belly - that allowed him the use of one hand if needed. You may think they were books on veterinary medicine he might want to reference as emergency care is not exactly common place in a regular vet clinic that mostly does well visits, but this was his collection of current recreational reading.
I asked him more than once why he would read so many books at the same time and not just read one at a time. He always gave the me same answer: You watch more than one TV show at a time, don't you? I'll point out here that Peter was married and had 2 sons that were somewhere between 8 and 13 years old and they had no television in their home. I thought him ridiculous - in addition to the unpleasant snobbery - and never asked anything about the books themselves. He came to represent a certain image in my mind that was not at all admirable.
I never learned to love reading. I have some mild dyslexia that always made it a little harder for me when it came to reading. I very much love stories so I loved to be read to, watch movies, see theater, et cetera. But I struggled with reading comprehension and speed so I was embarrassed - already being the fat kid made me rather reluctant to call attention of any kind to myself - so I just didn't read. I'm sure my academics suffered immeasurably because of this. Not only could I not imagine that a person could read so many books at the same time, but I just simply couldn't fathom that anyone would want to. Just the thought of it made me a little light headed.
Fast forward nearly 10 years and I find myself rereading a novel about the history of philosophy - as a refresher for when I return to school. It's a deep read and I can only do a few chapters at a time because I need to digest what I've read. That said, I do want to continue reading. So today I went to one of my book shelves - while I may not be an avid reader I have always loved to be around books so I snatch up all of them that I can and now have the beginnings of a nice collection - to pull a second book to read while stewing in the information from the first. I chose a second book that would be what the first was not. It's light and familiar and humorous; Kitchen Confidential.
And now, I find that I have gained a bit more respect for and possibly a small understanding of Dr. Peter Schmidt.
Friday 26 December 2008
Sunday 21 December 2008
Resolve it - 98% won't
According to surveys, only 8 percent of Americans successfully achieve their New Year's resolutions. A whopping 45 percent fail by the end of January! Why is it that people can't keep to their resolve?
I think it's a matter of perspective. When you begin something with the notion that you have an entire year - 52 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours - to get it done, it's nearly inevitable that you will wait to begin and every day that you wait it becomes less and less important to you until your actual want to do it just a well intentioned "meant to." There is no urgency to saying you will start something at the beginning of a term.
I say then that we should throw some "now or never" into the mix. Instead of having a New Year's resolution, make a Year End resolution. What i
s the one thing you would do before this year is up and gone and you never had the chance again? Consider it your last shot. Before the calender flips to another year, what is it that you want to have done or begun in this year?
s the one thing you would do before this year is up and gone and you never had the chance again? Consider it your last shot. Before the calender flips to another year, what is it that you want to have done or begun in this year?Make a list and then DO IT! None of this rubbish of waiting until after the ball drops. After nearly 2 months of parties and stress you'll get all liquored up on the 31st and have a weeks worth of hang over and cleaning up to do; that is no time to be keeping resolutions. This is your last chance to make this year your own and I say don't squander it. Sprint to the finish! Go out with a bang! Et cetera, et cetera.
Good Luck with your Year End Resolutions! I would love to know what you accomplish so please post a comment.
Thursday 18 December 2008
Wall-e and Eve, just the begining?
Many years ago when I took my first philosophy class (Intro to...), the professor assigned us a short paper on Intelligent Design. Did we think it was possible for a machine to be equal to a human? At the time I was young and convinced I knew it all and if not it wasn't that important. Oh, the ignorance of youth. I wrote about how a computer wouldn't be stupid, as so many people are, because the point of machines was to eliminate error. I can't believe I didn't fail that course, and even more so that they actually let me in as a Philosophy major the next term.
I have been rethinking this topic of ID lately. My first reaction is to immediately say 'No, a machine could never be equal to a human,' but I am really not sure. I know nearly nothing about robotics, computer science, mechanics or any other field that would assist in a proper understanding and analysis of ID, but I do know people. Sociology was my unofficial second major.
I want to say, to believe, that there is something about us that could never be duplicated by machines. Of course it's something that couldn't happen now or even in the near future. Robotics technology is still a long ways from achieving the kind if finesse necessary to construct the complex strength and fragility of the human body. Medical science if also not advanced enough to replicate the body's interconnected systems of nervous, circulatory, respiratory, endocrine, et cetera.
Even if these industries could unlock and match all the physicality of our bodies and minds, would that be enough to create a non-biological human? Ever person has the same biological constructs, but just like all snowflakes are ice and no two are the same no two people (even identical twins) are completely alike. There is something undefinably unique about each one of us and I can't imagine how that could be uncovered much less reconstructed and applied to a robot.
In the end, I just don't know. I learn things all the time that I can't believe are possible, or would even consider could exist on a conceptual level. I suppose we'll all just have to wait and see what happens and when the 'Ought we...' bridge comes, then we can discuss it further.
Sunday 14 December 2008
5 things to be happy about
1- found a most fantastic tie at a thrift shop yesterday for 2$
2- also found wonderfully & quirky pair of pink knitted slippers
3- I have some great friends that are going out of their way to help me prep for the show. Thanks again Emily, Suzi, Ariel & Dan!
4- my neurotic planning should result in a successful show tonight...I really hope so anyway
5- interview on Wednesday morning
2- also found wonderfully & quirky pair of pink knitted slippers
3- I have some great friends that are going out of their way to help me prep for the show. Thanks again Emily, Suzi, Ariel & Dan!
4- my neurotic planning should result in a successful show tonight...I really hope so anyway
5- interview on Wednesday morning
Saturday 29 November 2008
Pull of the Tides
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It may be the most natural thing in the world for people to return to those things which are familiar to them. (Pre)Historically, it may have been what kept us alive, returning to the the people, places, things, animals, foods, et cetera which were already know to us instead of taking our chances with the possibility of pain and death from beyond the mysterious abyss.
That said, all great things come from pushing boundaries, breaking rules, rejecting norms and eliminating expectation. We grow as individuals and as communities when we explore those things which seem so strange to us. We leave the things we have grown accustomed to and search the world for more. We dream of more and so it's off to university, then a job and a little flat in the city. But where has that really gotten us?
Then, one day we find ourselves back at the beginning. Standing in the middle of the places we once knew so well, a wash of "what if" knock into us like a tsunami and all that was, is and could be is stirred up together like a glass of chocolate milk. It's a sort of relapse really; to have become a different person in a sense and then suddenly to be back exactly where you were before.
To revisit, reconsider, relapse is our brain giving itself a second chance, an opportunity to either confirm a choice made or to deem it amiss and let it drift into our past like slouch socks and tight rolled jeans. We're taking control of the things in our lives that had come loose from our grasp and regaining control over ourselves. To know that weather or not our ship sails onward or sinks to the bottom of the sea, it will do so with us as the helm...that is what pushes us out of our chrysalis and into the unknown, and I think we're all better for it.
It may be the most natural thing in the world for people to return to those things which are familiar to them. (Pre)Historically, it may have been what kept us alive, returning to the the people, places, things, animals, foods, et cetera which were already know to us instead of taking our chances with the possibility of pain and death from beyond the mysterious abyss.
That said, all great things come from pushing boundaries, breaking rules, rejecting norms and eliminating expectation. We grow as individuals and as communities when we explore those things which seem so strange to us. We leave the things we have grown accustomed to and search the world for more. We dream of more and so it's off to university, then a job and a little flat in the city. But where has that really gotten us?
Then, one day we find ourselves back at the beginning. Standing in the middle of the places we once knew so well, a wash of "what if" knock into us like a tsunami and all that was, is and could be is stirred up together like a glass of chocolate milk. It's a sort of relapse really; to have become a different person in a sense and then suddenly to be back exactly where you were before.
To revisit, reconsider, relapse is our brain giving itself a second chance, an opportunity to either confirm a choice made or to deem it amiss and let it drift into our past like slouch socks and tight rolled jeans. We're taking control of the things in our lives that had come loose from our grasp and regaining control over ourselves. To know that weather or not our ship sails onward or sinks to the bottom of the sea, it will do so with us as the helm...that is what pushes us out of our chrysalis and into the unknown, and I think we're all better for it.
Thursday 27 November 2008
Leaving a trail
I can tell where the handyman has been because he leave a trail of coins in his wake. Pennies, nickles, dimes and quarters are strewn all over the Inn. I just wish the holes in his pockets could drop some foldable money.
Monday 10 November 2008
Where's Waldo?
For those who aren't familiar, this is my living room. Somewhere in this scene is my dog, who is actually called Yoshi and not Waldo.Not sure if you can see it, but I am watching MSNBC...as usual. That's my 'studio' in the corner, housed in that antique secretary. Big props to my friend J for the comfiest chair in the universe! Thanks also to Emily for the painting which I've had for a very long time and to Thashah for the other art which I've had for only 2 years. And thanks to Suzi & Dave for the Game Cube - yay Mario Kart!
Donnie, do you see the memento from our art museum outing? ;)
Thursday 6 November 2008
Friday 31 October 2008
The entire world has a stake in what happens
A woman checked in (late) to the Inn last night. A middle-aged Italian woman who's here alone. It's generally not my habit to ask people about the reason(s) they are in the city - friendly but not familiar - and as she was a late arrival it was only by chance that I saw her at all, but when she asked me about the Metro and where to eat it soon came out why she was in DC this week. She committed a year ago to come here for the sole purpose of helping push the Republicans out of the White House.
*This is not exactly what the woman said but it's a really close summation.
That PIG W! I have worked at a bank for 30 years and have never seen anything like it is now. In Italy, we love America; for us, America is the ideal country. The Americans saved us in World War II; they came and pushed out the Germans. When you talk about Americans, the old people still cry. W has destroyed that and filled so many people with distrust and disgust. So that is why I am here, to do everything I can to get Obama elected.*Listening to this woman talk I was at first so proud and moved and then so angry about the last 8 years but hopeful for what could come. I hope more than anything that this woman's, and so much of the world's dreams are fulfilled on Tuesday... for all our sakes.
*This is not exactly what the woman said but it's a really close summation.
Thursday 30 October 2008
Monday 27 October 2008
An election like no other
Lets be honest, it's really an election like any other.
Every election gives people a chance to say what they want for themselves, their family, neighbors and the entire country. At the same time they are saying what they don't want, which may be more important. Each election is unique because of the shifts in party platforms in response to the constantly changing domestic and international circumstances.
Certainly, this years election will be of particular significance in history because of the candidate choices on either side - non-white or non-male candidate will be part of the wining ticket. No matter which party comes out on top, an equal opportunity milestone will be reached.
This is not the first, nor will it be the last time that an election in America or any other country is call the most significant. I wish people treated each election like it was the last; I wish everyone could f
eel as empowered as they seem to this season. The process deserves for voters to care enough to be self aware and honestly informed.
7 days to go...
Every election gives people a chance to say what they want for themselves, their family, neighbors and the entire country. At the same time they are saying what they don't want, which may be more important. Each election is unique because of the shifts in party platforms in response to the constantly changing domestic and international circumstances.
Certainly, this years election will be of particular significance in history because of the candidate choices on either side - non-white or non-male candidate will be part of the wining ticket. No matter which party comes out on top, an equal opportunity milestone will be reached.
This is not the first, nor will it be the last time that an election in America or any other country is call the most significant. I wish people treated each election like it was the last; I wish everyone could f
eel as empowered as they seem to this season. The process deserves for voters to care enough to be self aware and honestly informed.7 days to go...
Friday 24 October 2008
Look for me on Mexican TV!
Apart from an SNL skit video clip, I have yet to really post about politics. I'm a bit surprised by this because I am a political junkie. MSNBC is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before I go to bed.
Since I moved to DC 2 years ago I have seen Richard Wolf (USA Today) and Jonathan Capehart (Washington Post) just walking by on the street. This meant nothing to them I'm sure (although I think Richard Wolf smiled back at me) but each occurrence had me on cloud 9 for days. I kept a mental list of the other people I wanted to bump into: Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, David Gregory, Brian Williams, Keith Olbermann, David Shuster, Tom Brokaw and Tim Russert (I miss you Tim).
Today, I have one-upped this list in a way I never could have anticipated.
After some morning procrastination, I made myself venture out to Adams Morgan to run a couple errands. While walking down 18th Street a middle-aged man in a suit approached me. At first I assumed he needed directions of some sort, then he asked me if I have a few minutes so I'm thinking, he is selling something or taking some sort of survey. He then explains that he is with Mexican TV and would like to interview me about the economy, election, the usual stuff that's on the news these days. I said OK and chatted with him for a few minutes and then went about my errands.
When I got home I posted on Twitter to brag about my new fame:
Within 2 hours I had an email from Rachel Maddow that she was following me on Twitter... I almost wet myself. Rachel has over 7,000 followers but is only following 542 (up 30 people from just 4 hours ago) so I must have won her over, right?
In all likelihood, there is some intern at MSNBC who has the boring job of sifting through postings to see who mentions Rachel (and/or other MSNBC hosts) and following them. Sorry dude, I hope your internship is at least a paid one. But, I don't care... I'm completely on cloud 9!
Since I moved to DC 2 years ago I have seen Richard Wolf (USA Today) and Jonathan Capehart (Washington Post) just walking by on the street. This meant nothing to them I'm sure (although I think Richard Wolf smiled back at me) but each occurrence had me on cloud 9 for days. I kept a mental list of the other people I wanted to bump into: Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, David Gregory, Brian Williams, Keith Olbermann, David Shuster, Tom Brokaw and Tim Russert (I miss you Tim).
Today, I have one-upped this list in a way I never could have anticipated.
After some morning procrastination, I made myself venture out to Adams Morgan to run a couple errands. While walking down 18th Street a middle-aged man in a suit approached me. At first I assumed he needed directions of some sort, then he asked me if I have a few minutes so I'm thinking, he is selling something or taking some sort of survey. He then explains that he is with Mexican TV and would like to interview me about the economy, election, the usual stuff that's on the news these days. I said OK and chatted with him for a few minutes and then went about my errands.
When I got home I posted on Twitter to brag about my new fame:
just did an interview for Mexican TV. I'm a political analyst now, invite me on your show Rachel Maddow!
Within 2 hours I had an email from Rachel Maddow that she was following me on Twitter... I almost wet myself. Rachel has over 7,000 followers but is only following 542 (up 30 people from just 4 hours ago) so I must have won her over, right?
In all likelihood, there is some intern at MSNBC who has the boring job of sifting through postings to see who mentions Rachel (and/or other MSNBC hosts) and following them. Sorry dude, I hope your internship is at least a paid one. But, I don't care... I'm completely on cloud 9!
Thursday 23 October 2008
The bulimics are right, purging is good for you.
I try to have a minimal amount of things; I only buy things I really love and I don't like to have things around that aren't used. Even so, I have a ton of crap in my apartment, so I'm having a yard sale - sidewalk sale since I live in the middle of a city.
Over the past couple of weeks I've been rearranging, rummaging and sorting and now I have a huge pile of stuff for the sale. Most of these things I had forgotten I even had even when they were in plain sight. Clearly they are not adding to my life and I really can't wait to be lightened of their load on me. It's freeing, like a short haircut after years with long locks or leaving a job that you haven't been happy with for too long.
I hope all this stuff actually sells so I'm not still stuck with it.
Over the past couple of weeks I've been rearranging, rummaging and sorting and now I have a huge pile of stuff for the sale. Most of these things I had forgotten I even had even when they were in plain sight. Clearly they are not adding to my life and I really can't wait to be lightened of their load on me. It's freeing, like a short haircut after years with long locks or leaving a job that you haven't been happy with for too long.
I hope all this stuff actually sells so I'm not still stuck with it.
Sunday 19 October 2008
Saturday 18 October 2008
If money were no object
Working with a friend in her garden this week I listened to a radio program that asked listeners to call in and say what they would do if money were no object for them. With the economy of the States in the tank, people are dreaming since it's nearly impossible to do. I am an avid dreamer so I completely support this. After the obligatory 'pay off my debt,' it took me a while to decide what I would do. After some thought I decided that I would start a lobbying group to push legislators to deprivative health care and secondary schooling...I want free medial care for everyone and a zero cost college education for anyone who is wiling to earn it. I would also have a second group to lobby for stringent regulations on food production - no GMOs, no factory farming, no untrapasturizaion, et cetera.
I want to know what you would do if money were not a consideration. Please post a comment and let me know.
I want to know what you would do if money were not a consideration. Please post a comment and let me know.
Sunday 5 October 2008
Nothing to laugh at
Seriously, this woman could he one heart attack away from the Presidency. And I love the way they poke fun at Biden, too.
To be fair, you should also watch the actual debate. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89FbCPzAsRA
To be fair, you should also watch the actual debate. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89FbCPzAsRA
150 to 500 words (maximum)
Please submit a personal statement of 150 to 500 words (maximum) that highlights your leadership achievements or significant service contributions to your community.
Surely this must be a joke. I cannot believe that anyone could expect to gauge a person's character from a self aggrandizing list of service and achievements. Would it attest to my individual worth if I highlighted my years as an executive officer in 4-H and FFA? Could knowing that I coached a youth livestock judging team speak to my strong leadership skills? If I spoke about my college involvement in political activism, would it attest to my ability to take initiative or, perhaps, if I told the story of how in high school I ditched my first period class once a month to have a buffet breakfast at Denny's with my friends? Do any of these narratives add to or subtract from a particular column about what type of person I am or student I can be?
While all of these anecdotes and experiences are part of my curriculum vitae from the past 26 years, the truth is that the bulleted points on my resume have done less to shape the person I am than the smaller events of my daily life. I've learned from my mistakes and from my successes, both large and small. These seemingly insignificant moments of my life have guided and shaped my awareness of a global and local community and my place in them, as well as, how I view and relate to others on an individual level.
I am still not certain of what I want to do in life, but by being open to new experiences and approaching them with curiosity rather than judgement, every day I get one step closer to becoming the kind of person I want to be. For better or for worse, this is what guides the choices I make in life.
Thursday 25 September 2008
5 things to be happy about
1- autumnal weather, good for the lungs
2- the winds of change
3- the clever crab
4- a pretty great dog
5- day dreams to get me through the hard stuff
2- the winds of change
3- the clever crab
4- a pretty great dog
5- day dreams to get me through the hard stuff
Tuesday 23 September 2008
Most people are on the world, not in it
That is what John Muir said and I tend to agree.
Animal planet has been airing commercials for a documentary called The Grizzly Man Diaries about a man who lives in the wild with grizzly bears for 10 or so years to document their existence much as Jane Goodall and the chimps. The difference here is that this man was killed by the grizzles he had lived along side for so long. That is the nature of working with any wild animal. They are never your friend or pet. I think this man must have understood this and been willing to make this trade with the bears if necessary.
Contrast this with an History Channel program about grizzly hunters who become the hunted. Given that there are interviews with the 'survivors' we can assume that the ending of their story is the opposite of the Grizzly Man's. These hunters do not see themselves as part of nature but that nature is there for their amusement alone. The bears serve merely as objects for sport, entertainment, and product. They are without personality, without rights and unworthy of respect.
This illustrates my issue with being a vegetarian. All things equal - that is, if we did not have to factor in the brutality of factory farming - I would have no problem eating the flesh of animals because I have no problem with them eating me. I don't see myself as being at the top of the food chain and don't see the need to take that spot hostage for the benefit of myself. I try to be in the world as an equally functioning component and not on the world searching for a way to set myself as its puppeteer.
Animal planet has been airing commercials for a documentary called The Grizzly Man Diaries about a man who lives in the wild with grizzly bears for 10 or so years to document their existence much as Jane Goodall and the chimps. The difference here is that this man was killed by the grizzles he had lived along side for so long. That is the nature of working with any wild animal. They are never your friend or pet. I think this man must have understood this and been willing to make this trade with the bears if necessary.
Contrast this with an History Channel program about grizzly hunters who become the hunted. Given that there are interviews with the 'survivors' we can assume that the ending of their story is the opposite of the Grizzly Man's. These hunters do not see themselves as part of nature but that nature is there for their amusement alone. The bears serve merely as objects for sport, entertainment, and product. They are without personality, without rights and unworthy of respect.
This illustrates my issue with being a vegetarian. All things equal - that is, if we did not have to factor in the brutality of factory farming - I would have no problem eating the flesh of animals because I have no problem with them eating me. I don't see myself as being at the top of the food chain and don't see the need to take that spot hostage for the benefit of myself. I try to be in the world as an equally functioning component and not on the world searching for a way to set myself as its puppeteer.
Tuesday 16 September 2008
A Sad State
I am 26 years old. I haven't had health insurance, earned a degree, had a career, owned anything of significant value, and I have been in debt for the past 8 years.
I don't think that these things are unique to me, sadly, they are far too common in this country. Why is it that so many Americans are in this boat with me? What is it that makes the States so much different than the rest of the developed world?
Most (perhaps all, you do the checking) of the 3rd world provides free health care. Just as in this country the fire department will attend to your needs free of charge, you can receive quality medical care at no (or sometimes very, very little) cost in many other nations which the Unites States deems inferior. How can it be that the same prescription costs over 100$ here and is just a few pennies if you take one step over an imaginary border line?
I have 6 pen pal sisters across the world - Nigeria, Rwanda, Kosova, Bosnia, Afghanistan & DRC. They write to me about many things in their lives but a common theme is how they struggle to afford sending their children to school. Education for all children is something we think of as a civil rights issue when it happens in other counties but the truth is that it happens here too. Sure, schooling up to high school is covered by the state but no farther than that. I'm sure at one time this would have been sufficient but now many leave 12th grade with an 8th grade reading level and little more than a basic understanding of fundamental mathematics. It's a sad state indeed.
I have been in college for 8 years and have still not completed a 4 year degree. I will admit that some of the time off (about a year) was my own choice, time to consider my life I suppose, and another semester was because of a nasty car accident. But the major portion of that time has been because of finances.
I have been ambitious in my choice of schools so I've taken on higher tuition costs but I felt that the trade for a more prestigious degree was worth it. Wrong. I also thought that whatever I needed to borrow to pay the tuition would all be worth it in the end; education is an investment, you can't put a price on it. Wrong. There is a price assigned to it and so there is a worth assigned to each person based on their education.
I am not a fantastic student by any means, but I am hard working and do have an inherent intelligence or certain concepts. I have even been on the Dean's list multiple times, but this is not even reason enough for The American University to keep me around. "Congratulation on being awarded to Dean's list but I'm afraid we don't give any scholarships for academic achievement."
Debt in America is rampant. We buy things with money we don't have and spend years paying double, triple, or even more of it's price back in interest. To add insult to injury, the things we buy will have broken, worn out, or be replaced for frivolous reasons long before they have been paid for. Americans like nice things (fancy houses, fast cars, glittery jewels, picture perfect home theaters, et cetera) but we are not the only ones in the world who do. We are not even the only ones who live outside our means. We are, however, the only country who puts such a high importance on these things and leaves the basics of quality food, safe homes, thriving minds and strong bodies last in the line of what ought to be as common place as our want of disposable goods.
These are complex issue that form a labyrinthine problem which I am not prepared to suggest a remedy for. I will simply offer a thought for consideration: with all the good people in this country and all the great work done here, we are still lacking and have been since this nation was just a fledgling. There is something in the foundations that prevents us from coming completely together. We are in a competition with one another to see who has the fastest, largest, smallest, rarest, best of the best widget out there and we loose interest as soon as someone else get one too.
This sense of competition with one another is what keeps us in individualistic mindsets instead of the communal frame of reference that so many others around the world have. Instead of asking 'what is best for me,' I would rather we ask 'what is best for us' - and don't just assume you know what is best, actually ask your neighbor.
I don't think that these things are unique to me, sadly, they are far too common in this country. Why is it that so many Americans are in this boat with me? What is it that makes the States so much different than the rest of the developed world?
Most (perhaps all, you do the checking) of the 3rd world provides free health care. Just as in this country the fire department will attend to your needs free of charge, you can receive quality medical care at no (or sometimes very, very little) cost in many other nations which the Unites States deems inferior. How can it be that the same prescription costs over 100$ here and is just a few pennies if you take one step over an imaginary border line?
I have 6 pen pal sisters across the world - Nigeria, Rwanda, Kosova, Bosnia, Afghanistan & DRC. They write to me about many things in their lives but a common theme is how they struggle to afford sending their children to school. Education for all children is something we think of as a civil rights issue when it happens in other counties but the truth is that it happens here too. Sure, schooling up to high school is covered by the state but no farther than that. I'm sure at one time this would have been sufficient but now many leave 12th grade with an 8th grade reading level and little more than a basic understanding of fundamental mathematics. It's a sad state indeed.
I have been in college for 8 years and have still not completed a 4 year degree. I will admit that some of the time off (about a year) was my own choice, time to consider my life I suppose, and another semester was because of a nasty car accident. But the major portion of that time has been because of finances.
I have been ambitious in my choice of schools so I've taken on higher tuition costs but I felt that the trade for a more prestigious degree was worth it. Wrong. I also thought that whatever I needed to borrow to pay the tuition would all be worth it in the end; education is an investment, you can't put a price on it. Wrong. There is a price assigned to it and so there is a worth assigned to each person based on their education.
I am not a fantastic student by any means, but I am hard working and do have an inherent intelligence or certain concepts. I have even been on the Dean's list multiple times, but this is not even reason enough for The American University to keep me around. "Congratulation on being awarded to Dean's list but I'm afraid we don't give any scholarships for academic achievement."
Debt in America is rampant. We buy things with money we don't have and spend years paying double, triple, or even more of it's price back in interest. To add insult to injury, the things we buy will have broken, worn out, or be replaced for frivolous reasons long before they have been paid for. Americans like nice things (fancy houses, fast cars, glittery jewels, picture perfect home theaters, et cetera) but we are not the only ones in the world who do. We are not even the only ones who live outside our means. We are, however, the only country who puts such a high importance on these things and leaves the basics of quality food, safe homes, thriving minds and strong bodies last in the line of what ought to be as common place as our want of disposable goods.
These are complex issue that form a labyrinthine problem which I am not prepared to suggest a remedy for. I will simply offer a thought for consideration: with all the good people in this country and all the great work done here, we are still lacking and have been since this nation was just a fledgling. There is something in the foundations that prevents us from coming completely together. We are in a competition with one another to see who has the fastest, largest, smallest, rarest, best of the best widget out there and we loose interest as soon as someone else get one too.
This sense of competition with one another is what keeps us in individualistic mindsets instead of the communal frame of reference that so many others around the world have. Instead of asking 'what is best for me,' I would rather we ask 'what is best for us' - and don't just assume you know what is best, actually ask your neighbor.
Friday 5 September 2008
5 Things to be Happy About
Sorry it's been so long. I really don't have much new to say but I'll try to get some commentary up soon.
1- Clean apartment
2- A Scottish fascination
3- New inspiration
4- 2 great mums
5- A buddy to keep me yoga-ing
1- Clean apartment
2- A Scottish fascination
3- New inspiration
4- 2 great mums
5- A buddy to keep me yoga-ing
Wednesday 20 August 2008
help it grow, even if it doesn't need it.
I help an elderly woman in Cleveland Park (about 25 minutes walk North of my house) with her garden. She lives in a large (6 bed room) old (c. 1875) stand alone home that has a sizable perennial garden. She has lived in the house some 45 years and has done the garden herself but, as she is now in her early 80s, she finds it hard to do much more than watering, weeding, and the occasional light planting. I help her with the harder, dirtier work when she needs it.
This month she is on vacation with her husband, children and grandchildren. While they are away I am watering the garden a couple times a week. On my way there Tuesday I walked down Connecticut Avenue through Van Ness and Cleavland Park, it's a nice little strip and I enjoy the people watching and the scenery of the little shops and old apartment buildings. There is a particular apartment building in CP that has brick pathways around the grounds. That is not very unusual in DC but these particular bricks are glittery and have a swirly center like when you stir together a bowl of berry pancake batter. I am quite in love with them.
Another apartment has a lot of English Ivy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_Ivy) that grows as a ground cover around most the entire grounds. That is also not uncommon in DC. The European native is an invasive species around here but many people plant it (or leave it as it often creeps in like a weed) because it's evergreen and needs practically no attention other than edge pruning to contain it. In my opinion, it's for lazy people who want a 'garden' without any effort what so ever. I detest it. Not to say that I hate the plant itself but it is more than obvious that it should not be grown in this region. I met a man from San Diego and he told me that English Ivy is the primary threat to the forests near where he lives. I would imagine the same is true for this area.
The Inn had English Ivy covering nearly the entire garden space (more than 3 house fronts) on the street side. It had been there for several years, because the owner and manager thought it was gave the place a classic, old world look, and had grown to 8-10 inches thick in some areas. It took something like three months for me to convince them that it was a haven for rats and unwanted bugs and had become a most convenient place for passersby to discard their trash and should be replaced with a proper garden. So, the Spring and first half of the Summer I spent ripping out the Ivy and replacing it with some mixed perennials.
It's because I had this experience with Ivy that I was irked and almost angry to see that this apartment building was actually watering a large section with a sprinkler. I can not imagine what sort of idiot would think this was a good idea, much less that it was necessary. I mean seriously, do they water the Kuzu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kudzu) in Georgia?
If DC were hit by a nuclear bomb I'm sure the only thing left would be the roaches and the Ivy.
This month she is on vacation with her husband, children and grandchildren. While they are away I am watering the garden a couple times a week. On my way there Tuesday I walked down Connecticut Avenue through Van Ness and Cleavland Park, it's a nice little strip and I enjoy the people watching and the scenery of the little shops and old apartment buildings. There is a particular apartment building in CP that has brick pathways around the grounds. That is not very unusual in DC but these particular bricks are glittery and have a swirly center like when you stir together a bowl of berry pancake batter. I am quite in love with them.
Another apartment has a lot of English Ivy (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_Ivy) that grows as a ground cover around most the entire grounds. That is also not uncommon in DC. The European native is an invasive species around here but many people plant it (or leave it as it often creeps in like a weed) because it's evergreen and needs practically no attention other than edge pruning to contain it. In my opinion, it's for lazy people who want a 'garden' without any effort what so ever. I detest it. Not to say that I hate the plant itself but it is more than obvious that it should not be grown in this region. I met a man from San Diego and he told me that English Ivy is the primary threat to the forests near where he lives. I would imagine the same is true for this area.
The Inn had English Ivy covering nearly the entire garden space (more than 3 house fronts) on the street side. It had been there for several years, because the owner and manager thought it was gave the place a classic, old world look, and had grown to 8-10 inches thick in some areas. It took something like three months for me to convince them that it was a haven for rats and unwanted bugs and had become a most convenient place for passersby to discard their trash and should be replaced with a proper garden. So, the Spring and first half of the Summer I spent ripping out the Ivy and replacing it with some mixed perennials.
It's because I had this experience with Ivy that I was irked and almost angry to see that this apartment building was actually watering a large section with a sprinkler. I can not imagine what sort of idiot would think this was a good idea, much less that it was necessary. I mean seriously, do they water the Kuzu (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kudzu) in Georgia?
If DC were hit by a nuclear bomb I'm sure the only thing left would be the roaches and the Ivy.
Tuesday 12 August 2008
What makes me tick,
and in some cases, what prevents my ticking. I have a number of fears, phobias and psychological tendencies that I have picked up over the years. I believe some are just my nature (my astrological nature) and some have come from earlier experiences. The past couple of days have taken my entire bag of issues and dumped them all into my lap at once. So, I thought that to get a better grip on reality and bring myself under control that it would be helpful to explore them.
Fear of abandonment - I have an incapacitating fear of abandonment. The thought of being left, of having no one makes me uncontrollably hysterical. I become a completely different person - irrational, blabbering, sobbing, even prone to stalking.
Fear of being alone - Along with being abandoned I fear loneliness. It is not being alone that I can't handle, I often enjoy being by myself and I actually have only a few close friends and don't always spend time with them regularly. It is the possibility of never having someone to be with me always and to share all of my (and their) experiences.
Fear that I am unlovable - I don't think very highly of myself and I have a hard time imagining that others would either. I tend to look for love in all the wrong places. I read once that we seek out the love we think we deserve. I don't know if it's true or not but for a long time I seemed to most want the love of those who could not or would not return it.
Fear of failure - Making other people happy is something that has been important to me since I can remember so I attribute it to my being a Gemini. I was an odd standout and also completely overlooked as a child and sought the approval of those around me to feel accepted. This is no different than most children I think, but I seem to be overly sensitive to the rejection and plane indifference of the people who were important to me. I wanted to do everything as perfectly as possible. I needed to be perfect at everything that those people saw as important or worthy. I thought that if I were then they would certainly love me and be proud of me and that would make me happy, but if I failed the opposite would happen. This childhood fear has followed me into adulthood and although modified, it has not decreased. Likely, this is also why my first instinct is to assume that things must be my fault and my responsibility to remedy.
Fear of a personal dooms day - A mountain from a mole hill, a monsoon from a dew drop... choose any similar metaphor. I will always assume that the worst thing that could happen to me is probably happening to me. Chronic stomach ache, must be Krone's Disease; haven't heard from someone, they must never want to speak to me again; low score on a paper, I'll have to repeat the class - maybe I should just drop out and get a low paying full time job...you get the picture.
Fear of lies/dishonesty - In an earlier post I explained that my childhood was full of dishonesty and lies. After having seen the kind of people and relationships that created I have a grave fear of the same happening to me. This is a large part of why I make significant effort to always be honest with people but I have no control over whether people are honest with me. I don't assume I am being mislead, quite the opposite in fact, I tend to give people the benefit of a doubt even when I probably shouldn't. This makes it all the more traumatic when it does or I think it has happened.
Fear of my own vivid imagination - If there is any artistic gene in me at all it would be a story telling one. At one time I considered a career as a writer and thought that I could even be good at it. However, this ease at which I can spin a story together in my head is a most dangerous thing when combined with this list of fears. In some cases, like this week, every one of them can play a distinct part in my emotional self destruction. I can take a string suspicious findings and other unsettling circumstances and weave together a narrative that is nearly a decade long and concludes with my heart run over by a convoy of 18 wheelers with snow chains on their tires, completely alone and unable to trust another person for the rest of my life, which would mean to me that a family would be out of the question. As well as, my want of a good life to share with that family would be so unrecognizably destroyed that on my best day I would be little more than a functioning minimum wage worker at a job I hate and with no one to go home to but a tiny apartment above a garage full of garbage and an even tinier dog.
I hope more than anything that this turns out to be a dew drop instead of the monsoon I fear.
Fear of abandonment - I have an incapacitating fear of abandonment. The thought of being left, of having no one makes me uncontrollably hysterical. I become a completely different person - irrational, blabbering, sobbing, even prone to stalking.
Fear of being alone - Along with being abandoned I fear loneliness. It is not being alone that I can't handle, I often enjoy being by myself and I actually have only a few close friends and don't always spend time with them regularly. It is the possibility of never having someone to be with me always and to share all of my (and their) experiences.
Fear that I am unlovable - I don't think very highly of myself and I have a hard time imagining that others would either. I tend to look for love in all the wrong places. I read once that we seek out the love we think we deserve. I don't know if it's true or not but for a long time I seemed to most want the love of those who could not or would not return it.
Fear of failure - Making other people happy is something that has been important to me since I can remember so I attribute it to my being a Gemini. I was an odd standout and also completely overlooked as a child and sought the approval of those around me to feel accepted. This is no different than most children I think, but I seem to be overly sensitive to the rejection and plane indifference of the people who were important to me. I wanted to do everything as perfectly as possible. I needed to be perfect at everything that those people saw as important or worthy. I thought that if I were then they would certainly love me and be proud of me and that would make me happy, but if I failed the opposite would happen. This childhood fear has followed me into adulthood and although modified, it has not decreased. Likely, this is also why my first instinct is to assume that things must be my fault and my responsibility to remedy.
Fear of a personal dooms day - A mountain from a mole hill, a monsoon from a dew drop... choose any similar metaphor. I will always assume that the worst thing that could happen to me is probably happening to me. Chronic stomach ache, must be Krone's Disease; haven't heard from someone, they must never want to speak to me again; low score on a paper, I'll have to repeat the class - maybe I should just drop out and get a low paying full time job...you get the picture.
Fear of lies/dishonesty - In an earlier post I explained that my childhood was full of dishonesty and lies. After having seen the kind of people and relationships that created I have a grave fear of the same happening to me. This is a large part of why I make significant effort to always be honest with people but I have no control over whether people are honest with me. I don't assume I am being mislead, quite the opposite in fact, I tend to give people the benefit of a doubt even when I probably shouldn't. This makes it all the more traumatic when it does or I think it has happened.
Fear of my own vivid imagination - If there is any artistic gene in me at all it would be a story telling one. At one time I considered a career as a writer and thought that I could even be good at it. However, this ease at which I can spin a story together in my head is a most dangerous thing when combined with this list of fears. In some cases, like this week, every one of them can play a distinct part in my emotional self destruction. I can take a string suspicious findings and other unsettling circumstances and weave together a narrative that is nearly a decade long and concludes with my heart run over by a convoy of 18 wheelers with snow chains on their tires, completely alone and unable to trust another person for the rest of my life, which would mean to me that a family would be out of the question. As well as, my want of a good life to share with that family would be so unrecognizably destroyed that on my best day I would be little more than a functioning minimum wage worker at a job I hate and with no one to go home to but a tiny apartment above a garage full of garbage and an even tinier dog.
I hope more than anything that this turns out to be a dew drop instead of the monsoon I fear.
Monday 11 August 2008
5 Things to be Happy About
1- a weekend of magic
2- clearing thoughts after a bad storm
3- the American legal system
4- rest, relaxation, rejuvenation
5- homecomings
2- clearing thoughts after a bad storm
3- the American legal system
4- rest, relaxation, rejuvenation
5- homecomings
Thursday 7 August 2008
A brief adventure
me: i can't find my phone, will you call so i can hunt for the ringing phone...please
Sent at 12:24 PM on Thursday
me: please look at this gchat
e
m
i
l
y
=)
:'(
are you still in the meeting?
how do i always manage to lose things in such a small house
Sent at 12:29 PM on Thursday
me: stupid phone
it's probably hiding because it knows i hate it
Sent at 12:32 PM on Thursday
me: FOUND IT!
robe pocket
Sent at 12:37 PM on Thursday
Sent at 12:24 PM on Thursday
me: please look at this gchat
e
m
i
l
y
=)
:'(
are you still in the meeting?
how do i always manage to lose things in such a small house
Sent at 12:29 PM on Thursday
me: stupid phone
it's probably hiding because it knows i hate it
Sent at 12:32 PM on Thursday
me: FOUND IT!
robe pocket
Sent at 12:37 PM on Thursday
The harassment continues
It seems this woman isn't through with me yet.
When she realized that I was finished communicating with her she called my office and asked to speak to my supervisor. When that got her no where she posted an add on Craig's List to warn others that I (and she gave my full name and the name of my office- sort of) was unreliable and would 'BAIL OUT & NOT PAY' if anyone were to rent a parking space to me.
Craig's List has a reporting system so I was able to let them know that this woman was using their site to harass me. They removed the post within 3 hours and I haven't seen any more. I hoped that this was her last ditch effort to either bully me into giving her money or to just get under my skin and hoped/assumed it would be the last of it. I was wrong.
At 1:01am she sent me an email.
when can i expect to be paid for the parking that you screwed me up with-no contact you will have consequences -just watch and see
This troubles me for a couple reasons.
Firstly, even though she has no idea what I look like, we have spoken on the phone several times and she could certainly recognize my voice. If she was able to call my office then she should be able to get the address, it only took me about 2 minutes to do that before I took the job, and we do only live about 8 blocks from each other. I defiantly don't want her knowing where I live.
Secondly, her emailing style is to use all lowercase but she uses ALL CAPS to emphasise certain points as you would in conversation. This is not too unusual, but she does not use structured sentences and the caped words don't always follow a logical pattern of emphasis. In this latest email she doesn't use any caps, so either her button is broken or she is getting more calm about. Generally speaking, unpredictably crazy and calm are a disturbing and dangerous combination.
I am going on a road trip this weekend and am glad that I won't be home so maybe she will further get the message that I'm through with her and there is no use trying to push my buttons.
When she realized that I was finished communicating with her she called my office and asked to speak to my supervisor. When that got her no where she posted an add on Craig's List to warn others that I (and she gave my full name and the name of my office- sort of) was unreliable and would 'BAIL OUT & NOT PAY' if anyone were to rent a parking space to me.
Craig's List has a reporting system so I was able to let them know that this woman was using their site to harass me. They removed the post within 3 hours and I haven't seen any more. I hoped that this was her last ditch effort to either bully me into giving her money or to just get under my skin and hoped/assumed it would be the last of it. I was wrong.
At 1:01am she sent me an email.
when can i expect to be paid for the parking that you screwed me up with-no contact you will have consequences -just watch and see
This troubles me for a couple reasons.
Firstly, even though she has no idea what I look like, we have spoken on the phone several times and she could certainly recognize my voice. If she was able to call my office then she should be able to get the address, it only took me about 2 minutes to do that before I took the job, and we do only live about 8 blocks from each other. I defiantly don't want her knowing where I live.
Secondly, her emailing style is to use all lowercase but she uses ALL CAPS to emphasise certain points as you would in conversation. This is not too unusual, but she does not use structured sentences and the caped words don't always follow a logical pattern of emphasis. In this latest email she doesn't use any caps, so either her button is broken or she is getting more calm about. Generally speaking, unpredictably crazy and calm are a disturbing and dangerous combination.
I am going on a road trip this weekend and am glad that I won't be home so maybe she will further get the message that I'm through with her and there is no use trying to push my buttons.
Tuesday 5 August 2008
YOU WON'T WEASEL YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE...
said the crazy lady.
Parking is a hot commodity in any city and DC is no exception. I contacted a woman about 2 1/2 weeks ago in response to an add she had placed on craig's list to share a tandem parking space not far from my house. Everything seemed fine; she was a little odd but I overlooked that because the space was a decent price and I really needed it.
Each day that went by the parking arrangement got more and more complex and I became more and more uneasy with her weirdness. I told her I had some concerns and asked for a day or two to think about it. At first she was defensive but that rapidly turned to anger. For each email I sent her she would send 3 or 4 replies, each one more disturbing than the other. She called me repeatedly from her cell and her home/office and eventually began blocking her number. She called at least a 15 times times and left me 8 messages - in a single day.
My cell phone also serves as the after hours number for the Inn so I had the office phone # on it. I changed the recording but I did so too late because she called the office and gave AO a hard time. I feel really bad about that.
I suppose I should point out that I never actually started parking in her spot and there was no money exchanged. She posted an add, I said I wanted it, and after a couple weeks and some sneaking around the rules of her building she said it was a go. Now that I have decided not to take the spot she has completely flipped out and is making threats and constantly calling and emailing me. I didn't answer her calls yesterday and sent her an email last night saying that I was finished with the matter and that I wanted her to stop contacting me. I have encountered these sort of people several times before and I am very aware that they thrive on engagement, the longer you give rebuttal the longer they have something to feed off of.
This must have worked because aside from 3 late night email and a couple calls to the Inn early this morning (which got her nowhere) I haven't heard from her since. I hope this is really the
end of it.
Parking is a hot commodity in any city and DC is no exception. I contacted a woman about 2 1/2 weeks ago in response to an add she had placed on craig's list to share a tandem parking space not far from my house. Everything seemed fine; she was a little odd but I overlooked that because the space was a decent price and I really needed it.
Each day that went by the parking arrangement got more and more complex and I became more and more uneasy with her weirdness. I told her I had some concerns and asked for a day or two to think about it. At first she was defensive but that rapidly turned to anger. For each email I sent her she would send 3 or 4 replies, each one more disturbing than the other. She called me repeatedly from her cell and her home/office and eventually began blocking her number. She called at least a 15 times times and left me 8 messages - in a single day.
My cell phone also serves as the after hours number for the Inn so I had the office phone # on it. I changed the recording but I did so too late because she called the office and gave AO a hard time. I feel really bad about that.
I suppose I should point out that I never actually started parking in her spot and there was no money exchanged. She posted an add, I said I wanted it, and after a couple weeks and some sneaking around the rules of her building she said it was a go. Now that I have decided not to take the spot she has completely flipped out and is making threats and constantly calling and emailing me. I didn't answer her calls yesterday and sent her an email last night saying that I was finished with the matter and that I wanted her to stop contacting me. I have encountered these sort of people several times before and I am very aware that they thrive on engagement, the longer you give rebuttal the longer they have something to feed off of.
This must have worked because aside from 3 late night email and a couple calls to the Inn early this morning (which got her nowhere) I haven't heard from her since. I hope this is really the
end of it.
Wednesday 30 July 2008
Welcome in to my glass prison...
I am feeling sad and quite alone today. I'm no stranger to these emotions (I was once told that I was a walking sad-ism) but they are never any easier and I don't like them.
My niece was here for 10 days and just went home yesterday. The house seems much quieter now and it's a little sad, especially since she told me at least 50 times that she wanted to stay with me and not go home. She is such a happy child; I think she is like me in most every way but that.
I have seen very little of my partner the past few months. This is unimaginable difficult for me because I am so used to us doing everything together. The serious abandonment issues I have don't make this any easier either. Hopefully we'll be together soon.
At the zoo the other day I found that watching all the families walk past made me suddenly realize that I am in my late 20s. Not to say that I have a ticking biological clock but I have always wanted a family and a daily routine, the sort of boring and mundane things that typically go unnoticed. I don't exactly want children now but I want to not feel transitional. I would like to finally finish my BA that I've been working on for 8 years now. I would like a house with a garden, a place to invite the people I love and make them feel at ease. I just want to feel content with where I am in life.
All my life I have wanted to be old. Not older like when kids want to be 13, 16, 18, 21...whatever, I wanted to be 65, 70, 75. I want to be retired (by which I mean work for fun and not money), I want to have big family dinners with children and grandchildren, I want to take that family on a vacation to a new place every year. My mother has always said that I have an old soul, maybe it has something to do with that and maybe that is why I have always felt like I am waiting for something, for someone... maybe for the someone I want to be.
My niece was here for 10 days and just went home yesterday. The house seems much quieter now and it's a little sad, especially since she told me at least 50 times that she wanted to stay with me and not go home. She is such a happy child; I think she is like me in most every way but that.
I have seen very little of my partner the past few months. This is unimaginable difficult for me because I am so used to us doing everything together. The serious abandonment issues I have don't make this any easier either. Hopefully we'll be together soon.
At the zoo the other day I found that watching all the families walk past made me suddenly realize that I am in my late 20s. Not to say that I have a ticking biological clock but I have always wanted a family and a daily routine, the sort of boring and mundane things that typically go unnoticed. I don't exactly want children now but I want to not feel transitional. I would like to finally finish my BA that I've been working on for 8 years now. I would like a house with a garden, a place to invite the people I love and make them feel at ease. I just want to feel content with where I am in life.
All my life I have wanted to be old. Not older like when kids want to be 13, 16, 18, 21...whatever, I wanted to be 65, 70, 75. I want to be retired (by which I mean work for fun and not money), I want to have big family dinners with children and grandchildren, I want to take that family on a vacation to a new place every year. My mother has always said that I have an old soul, maybe it has something to do with that and maybe that is why I have always felt like I am waiting for something, for someone... maybe for the someone I want to be.
Friday 25 July 2008
Lucky #13
Jerrica and I have been playing Go Fish and Crazy Lady (which is my version of Old Maid) constantly for the past 5 days. Today we played 10 or 15 times and at least 80% of them ended with each of us having 13 pairs of matching cards.
I am regularly visited by repeating numbers: the time, my change at the store, addresses, number in line at the bakery, et cetera. Now, when I say regularly I mean very regularly. It varies of coarse, there are some weeks when it will happen twice or so and then there are times when I will see them up to ten times in a single day. It's been happening like this for about 5 years.
I looked and looked for an explanation. I checked philosophical, religious and spiritual references but couldn't come up with anything specific behind the meaning of the repeating numbers and just lived with their presence but not knowing what their significance was in my life, until Emily found the answer. As you might expect, somewhere on the world wide web someone has written an explanation for the meaning of repeating numbers in one's life - as with anything on the web, authenticity is not guaranteed.
So, about the number thirteen, this is all it has to say:
131, 1331, 1313, 3311, 1133 - These signs indicate a Cosmic 'Yes!' - these thoughts are on your path.
Wednesday 23 July 2008
5 Things to be Happy About
1~ Lunch date
2~ Yoshi's 1st Birthday...today
3~ Jerrica visiting
4~ A larger enclosure for the elephants at the DC Zoo
5~ Upcoming road trip
2~ Yoshi's 1st Birthday...today
3~ Jerrica visiting
4~ A larger enclosure for the elephants at the DC Zoo
5~ Upcoming road trip
Sunday 20 July 2008
Hot & Bothered
I worked a full day today, pretty much that means nonstop from 7:30 am until 11:00 pm. I do this about twice a month but it feels like a lot more. Today was particularly annoying because TD from NYC was leaving and, as usual, that can never be an effortless process. To top it off, there were 12 arrivals and the weekend emails which I just couldn't touch after about 2pm.
It was hot out all day and I was miserable. Plus, my niece Jerrica is here for a visit so I feel somewhat compelled to entertain her. Luckily she is an amazingly awesome kid and is happy doing the most mundane things. Even so, things just weren't going my way. But then the clouds parted.
First, Emily came over and brought dinner (mmm...Jyoti) and was great company for Jerrica while I was cleaning up TD's mess. Then we played 3 rousing games of Go Fish. A lovely visit, as always.
A couple hours later I was working on the garden, yet again, when a long lost friend called and said she was across the street. Well, it's not that Lyric is long lost but we are both busier than one armed paper hangers and never get a chance to chat or visit. So it was a fantastic surprise to see her today. As usual she was gorgeous from head to toe and I was covered in sweat, dirt and mulch which is my usual.
My day may not have been great to start with but thanks to a couple of friends, it got a whole lot better. Thanks ladies!
It was hot out all day and I was miserable. Plus, my niece Jerrica is here for a visit so I feel somewhat compelled to entertain her. Luckily she is an amazingly awesome kid and is happy doing the most mundane things. Even so, things just weren't going my way. But then the clouds parted.
First, Emily came over and brought dinner (mmm...Jyoti) and was great company for Jerrica while I was cleaning up TD's mess. Then we played 3 rousing games of Go Fish. A lovely visit, as always.
A couple hours later I was working on the garden, yet again, when a long lost friend called and said she was across the street. Well, it's not that Lyric is long lost but we are both busier than one armed paper hangers and never get a chance to chat or visit. So it was a fantastic surprise to see her today. As usual she was gorgeous from head to toe and I was covered in sweat, dirt and mulch which is my usual.
My day may not have been great to start with but thanks to a couple of friends, it got a whole lot better. Thanks ladies!
Thursday 17 July 2008
A Spoonful of Sugar
My step dad has been in the hospital this week with a blood infection. Mother says he is getting better now and should be released to go home tomorrow. His status this morning was not so pleasant. There had been virtually no change and the doctor he was assigned to was planning to call a specialist.
To me, this is typical of the western medical method...take an ER admitted patient, toss them in a tiny room with basic cable (upper channels for an added fee), plug in an IV or two and feed them a regimen of painkillers, antibiotics, jello and turkey sandwiches until they finally realize things aren't getting any better so they call in a specialist and/or a surgeon. Very little attention or thought is given to the patient, only their ailment - as if they have no connection to one another.
I must say that at one time I had no problem with this. I worked for a few years as an emergency vet tech when animal ultrasound was beginning to be more commonly available. I thought it was a waste. Why spend all that time and a client's money when you'll probably just end up cutting them open anyway? That's what I thought about it then, until I was in a car accident and couldn't get off the couch for a month. I was completely obsessed with discovery health and all the quirky medical shows.
I must say that at one time I had no problem with this. I worked for a few years as an emergency vet tech when animal ultrasound was beginning to be more commonly available. I thought it was a waste. Why spend all that time and a client's money when you'll probably just end up cutting them open anyway? That's what I thought about it then, until I was in a car accident and couldn't get off the couch for a month. I was completely obsessed with discovery health and all the quirky medical shows.
As my leg healed and I saw lots of ancient medical techniques from around the world I was amazed at the ability of the body to completely heal itself if given the opportunity. My leg had been smashed and there was necrotic (dead) tissue that needed to come off. I was advised to have a plastic surgeon do a skin graft. I was only 19 and though it was best to trust the doctors, I mean they are professionals. I have regretted it ever since. I lost a big chunk of the muscles on the front of my right leg and can't really stand for an extended period of time anymore. If I could do it all over again I would elect to have maggot therapy.
Tuesday 15 July 2008
5 Things to be Happy About
My friend Ariel does this on her blog and I love it. Hope you don't mind my borrowing it. ;)
1 ~ Finding a parking spot
2 ~ The return of a friend
3 ~ Lunch with Megan
4 ~ Help in my garden (thanks Emily, Anne & Suzi!)
5 ~ Fresh lettuce & cucumber
1 ~ Finding a parking spot
2 ~ The return of a friend
3 ~ Lunch with Megan
4 ~ Help in my garden (thanks Emily, Anne & Suzi!)
5 ~ Fresh lettuce & cucumber
Monday 14 July 2008
The deoderant experiment
Concerns about the dangers of Aluminum Zirconium Tetrachlorohydrex GLY (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aluminium_zirconium_tetrachlorohydrex_gly) and the nasty stains I get on my shirts sent me on a search looking for natural deodorant options.
Years ago I used Dove for a while and it was nice but I am a heavy sweater and I looked for something stronger. I took up my mother's philosophy of getting whatever is on sale or has the lowest retail price. This had disastrous results and I just ended up passing them along to my thrifty mama. I moved on to Degree which worked well for the sweating but I prefer to not have the scent of fragrance additives and my underarms were not very soft (like they had been with the Dove) so I kept looking. I tried Toms, Kiss My Face, the rock crystal and common brands without the antiperspirant ingredient but noting worked the way I wanted. I was either flapping my arms like a psych ward patient to get the liquid kind to dry or reapplying because it wasn't very long before I was sweating again. I was thoroughly annoyed and thought there must be a better solution. I tried using baby powder but that made a huge mess in my bathroom, and you know I can't have that. Plus, I am not crazy about the idea about breathing that in.
With all he gardening I've done the past several months no deodorant was gonna stand a chance anyway, so I gradually just stopped wearing it. It seems my body has learned to regulate itself. My skin is softer and I am shaving more often to keep down the odor. A good friend brought it to my attention hair is designed to hold scent as that is how we would naturally identify one another.
I recognize that this is not for everyone, not for most even. However, I would love it if you would consider other, hopefully more natural and healthy options in your own health and beauty care regime. I like to check here for research, http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/.
Years ago I used Dove for a while and it was nice but I am a heavy sweater and I looked for something stronger. I took up my mother's philosophy of getting whatever is on sale or has the lowest retail price. This had disastrous results and I just ended up passing them along to my thrifty mama. I moved on to Degree which worked well for the sweating but I prefer to not have the scent of fragrance additives and my underarms were not very soft (like they had been with the Dove) so I kept looking. I tried Toms, Kiss My Face, the rock crystal and common brands without the antiperspirant ingredient but noting worked the way I wanted. I was either flapping my arms like a psych ward patient to get the liquid kind to dry or reapplying because it wasn't very long before I was sweating again. I was thoroughly annoyed and thought there must be a better solution. I tried using baby powder but that made a huge mess in my bathroom, and you know I can't have that. Plus, I am not crazy about the idea about breathing that in.
With all he gardening I've done the past several months no deodorant was gonna stand a chance anyway, so I gradually just stopped wearing it. It seems my body has learned to regulate itself. My skin is softer and I am shaving more often to keep down the odor. A good friend brought it to my attention hair is designed to hold scent as that is how we would naturally identify one another.
I recognize that this is not for everyone, not for most even. However, I would love it if you would consider other, hopefully more natural and healthy options in your own health and beauty care regime. I like to check here for research, http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/.
Saturday 12 July 2008
The secret life of me
Actually, I make an effort not to have secrets in my life. There are certainly things I am not fond of recounting and there are more than a few people I wish knew nothing at all of my life now, but I abhor secrets.
I felt surrounded and consumed by them as a child and in my early 20s I made every effort to rid my life of them. I didn't feel like I was being given the truth by those around me, I was being conditioned to be a liar. Lying was easy for me and seemed even to be preferable to the truth. You give people the answers they want to hear and it makes them happy, they feel at ease. I am a top notch people pleaser (Gemini) with decades of experience and have always put more import on making other people happy. But the weight of knowing things and having no one to talk to about them, no one to share them with was killing me. I was miserable. I didn't realize at the time that it was also killing Truth. Neither of us could breath under all the mis-tolds and un-tolds.
The biggest and most complex secret in my life I carried from the age of 13 until 18 or so. It was the one that, when it came out, was treated like 'no big deal.' Everyone suddenly acted as if they had all known the whole time and I'm sure many of them did and had been sitting on it themselves...that is the WASP way after all. But it was a big deal for me and it broke my back. Like the proverbial camel, it was the straw that did me in. I just couldn't do it anymore. I started to become a truer person. I realized that almost no one actually knew me because, in my efforts to appease them, I hadn't been honest about who I was and what I felt. I began learning how to live inside my own Truth.
I chose philosophy as my major and found that I was equally drawn to and frightened by the idea of Truth. I felt like we (Truth and I) had been estranged for so long that our relationship would always be tattered. But it wasn't that way at all. We were out of step, that was for sure, but nothing had been torn asunder. It was hard to get things going (old habits and all) and I hurt some people (one person mostly) but I stuck with Truth and that person stuck with me.
I have come to believe that Truth is an expression of Love. If you want to love someone you have to be honest with them about who you are so they can make a completely informed decision about the kind of person you are. When you keep things hidden or outright lie, you are not allowing them all the information they need, you are holding them back and that is not what Love is about.
This is not to say that there are no blemishes on my relationship with Truth today. I still question and sometimes struggle and occasionally I stumble. But Truth remains important enough to me that I make every effort to fix the things I might break along the way.
I felt surrounded and consumed by them as a child and in my early 20s I made every effort to rid my life of them. I didn't feel like I was being given the truth by those around me, I was being conditioned to be a liar. Lying was easy for me and seemed even to be preferable to the truth. You give people the answers they want to hear and it makes them happy, they feel at ease. I am a top notch people pleaser (Gemini) with decades of experience and have always put more import on making other people happy. But the weight of knowing things and having no one to talk to about them, no one to share them with was killing me. I was miserable. I didn't realize at the time that it was also killing Truth. Neither of us could breath under all the mis-tolds and un-tolds.
The biggest and most complex secret in my life I carried from the age of 13 until 18 or so. It was the one that, when it came out, was treated like 'no big deal.' Everyone suddenly acted as if they had all known the whole time and I'm sure many of them did and had been sitting on it themselves...that is the WASP way after all. But it was a big deal for me and it broke my back. Like the proverbial camel, it was the straw that did me in. I just couldn't do it anymore. I started to become a truer person. I realized that almost no one actually knew me because, in my efforts to appease them, I hadn't been honest about who I was and what I felt. I began learning how to live inside my own Truth.
I chose philosophy as my major and found that I was equally drawn to and frightened by the idea of Truth. I felt like we (Truth and I) had been estranged for so long that our relationship would always be tattered. But it wasn't that way at all. We were out of step, that was for sure, but nothing had been torn asunder. It was hard to get things going (old habits and all) and I hurt some people (one person mostly) but I stuck with Truth and that person stuck with me.
I have come to believe that Truth is an expression of Love. If you want to love someone you have to be honest with them about who you are so they can make a completely informed decision about the kind of person you are. When you keep things hidden or outright lie, you are not allowing them all the information they need, you are holding them back and that is not what Love is about.
This is not to say that there are no blemishes on my relationship with Truth today. I still question and sometimes struggle and occasionally I stumble. But Truth remains important enough to me that I make every effort to fix the things I might break along the way.
Friday 11 July 2008
All around me are familiar faces...
I often see people who remind me so much of people I know that I find it quite unbelievable. Here are a couple examples...
I passed by a woman walking with her toddler and her mother down Connecticut Avenue. It was a nice day and the three were in no hurry to get to where ever they were going.
The mother strolled with her hands gently coupled behind her back. She was the picture of ease with her dark hair loosely resting on her shoulder blades and her white t-shirt tucked into her navy blue lounge pants.
The grandmother wore glasses and a large, straw summer hat. Her hair was white but had been dark brown or even black at one time. She was a foot or so shorter than her daughter so her stride was slightly quicker to keep up but she was certainly not in a hurry or struggling.
The toddler, whose legs were by far working the hardest, wore sandals and pants that were not long enough to reach the ankle but still below the knee and a cap that had certainly been put on by it's wearer from the off center placement. Not yet having mastered the art of walking at any pace, the little feet could not slow themselves down and had a hard time of pointing in the right direction and they soon failed the child. No worries; just a brief stumble and catch by the knees, a bit of assistance from mama and the feet were off and moving again.
When I saw this mother, I immediately thought of my Aunt Sheryl. The have the same hair, the same body shape and size, the same jaw line, but more than that is was how the mother walked gazing at everything around her but still catching her child as it fell. It seemed intrinsic and accidental all at the same time.
All of this happened within the span of some 10 seconds and was at least a year ago, but I still think of it often. How funny that our memory holds tight to certain things and others slip through quite unnoticed.
The other moment was much more recent and reminded me of another aunt, my Donnie.
There was a woman who came to the Inn this weekend to get some information and I couldn't stop staring at her. She looked so much like Donna! Her hair was longer & a bit reddish and her skin was a little darker, but they could have seriously been sisters. She even dressed in the same style that Donna does. I'm sure she thought I was completely strange for staring but I just couldn't help it...she was so pretty.
I passed by a woman walking with her toddler and her mother down Connecticut Avenue. It was a nice day and the three were in no hurry to get to where ever they were going.
The mother strolled with her hands gently coupled behind her back. She was the picture of ease with her dark hair loosely resting on her shoulder blades and her white t-shirt tucked into her navy blue lounge pants.
The grandmother wore glasses and a large, straw summer hat. Her hair was white but had been dark brown or even black at one time. She was a foot or so shorter than her daughter so her stride was slightly quicker to keep up but she was certainly not in a hurry or struggling.
The toddler, whose legs were by far working the hardest, wore sandals and pants that were not long enough to reach the ankle but still below the knee and a cap that had certainly been put on by it's wearer from the off center placement. Not yet having mastered the art of walking at any pace, the little feet could not slow themselves down and had a hard time of pointing in the right direction and they soon failed the child. No worries; just a brief stumble and catch by the knees, a bit of assistance from mama and the feet were off and moving again.
When I saw this mother, I immediately thought of my Aunt Sheryl. The have the same hair, the same body shape and size, the same jaw line, but more than that is was how the mother walked gazing at everything around her but still catching her child as it fell. It seemed intrinsic and accidental all at the same time.
All of this happened within the span of some 10 seconds and was at least a year ago, but I still think of it often. How funny that our memory holds tight to certain things and others slip through quite unnoticed.
The other moment was much more recent and reminded me of another aunt, my Donnie.
There was a woman who came to the Inn this weekend to get some information and I couldn't stop staring at her. She looked so much like Donna! Her hair was longer & a bit reddish and her skin was a little darker, but they could have seriously been sisters. She even dressed in the same style that Donna does. I'm sure she thought I was completely strange for staring but I just couldn't help it...she was so pretty.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
